Has Anyone Seen The Maven?

Okay, let’s get this straight. Despite the rumors circulating in the neighborhood, this maven has not been abducted by an alien spaceship. I am not hurdling through space toward a distant galaxy where (depending on which version you believe) 1- I will be tortured and vivisected and eaten for dinner or 2-I will be crowned king and will reign in bliss for eternity served by 24 beautiful alien virgins. For one thing, the aliens in question, the Krrz32ms (or something like that), are vegetarians and therefore wouldn’t eat me. For another, since they reproduce by exploding into hundreds of slime balls rather than sexually, they really don’t have any virgins.

Reader, don’t look at me like I’m lying. Right now I am looking at a mirror and I see my reflection very clearly. Doesn’t that prove that I am here and not hurdling through space? (Of course, I have been having these really weird dreams for more than a week. And, those Krrz32ms are really devious. They just might have burned my reflection in the mirror so I would think that I am here rather than in deep space.) No, it just can’t be! Borrowing words from Sam Clemens, the reports of my abduction have been greatly exaggerated.

Well, Maven, if you weren’t abducted, where have you been?

Dear reader, it’s my secret identity. Ever since he has become a candidate for the Richmond school board, I can’t get any sleep, let alone have time to think or write. It’s always about the campaign—filling out forms, writing and rewriting position papers, gathering signatures, talking to strangers (which my mother warned me never to do), twisting arms, begging for money. Hey, he even hijacked this blog to solicit political contributions! With all he has been doing, I haven’t had time or energy to ponder the events of the day. It’s not surprising that I haven’t written anything meaningful in more than a week.

Maven, we have been waiting for your views on the latest fight between the mayor and the city council over the annual budget.

hmmmmmm

Maven, are you yawning?

Trusted reader, I find another fight between Doug and the council to be rather boring. Haven’t we been through this time and again? Does it all really matter? I think I represent most of the people within the sound of my voice when I say that I wish both the mayor and the council would simply go away. Why can’t it be January so we won’t have to deal with these endless temper tantrums and power struggles? I hope that the voters of Richmond will finally show some smarts and elect people in November who are interested in governing rather than playing king of the hill.

So, Maven, what do you want to write about?

First let me eat some lunch.