Be Gone You Wascally Cwitters!

Dear Cardinals, Finches, Wrens, Woodpeckers and other residents of my backyard,

I regret to inform you that hundreds, perhaps thousands of red winged blackbirds and their fellow travelers—starlings and grackles—have invaded our land. They have been pillaging everything, including the food I have put out for you. I hope there is some provision of avian law that will allow you to oust them because they simply ignore me. I regret any inconvenience.

Maven