George is getting to be an embarrassment

Our beloved junior senator has said time and again that he wants this election campaign to turn on issues rather than on attacks on character. Of course, he only meant this rule to apply to Jim Webb. It is clear that Senator George doesn’t think he can win on his record, so like any good loyal Bushite he’s gotta fling manure. But this latest attack on Webb based on the fiction he has written is absolutely surrealistic.

George, the books Jim Webb wrote are FICTION. In case you don’t know what that means, HE MADE THEM UP. And, George, when somebody makes things up, they don’t represent his or her character. They’re just a story.

Senator George, you’re supposed to represent the people of Virginia. Do you want the rest of the country to think that we are so dumb that we would vote against a guy because he wrote some fiction that you don’t like? I actually received e-mail from a friend in another state putting Virginians down because we elected someone who could say what you said. When you say things like that, George, you’re not only embarrassing yourself, you’re embarrassing each and every citizen of the Old Dominion.

So, Senator George, let’s cut out this mud-flinging and get back to the issues. Start talking about your record. How have you done on the war against al Qaeda? What about your forever support of our “nation-building” in Iraq? Explain how an increase of 48% in the national debt since you’re been in office represents fiscal responsibility? Tell us what you’ve done to save Social Security? Tell us how your head-in-the-sand attitude toward climate change has helped protect the earth. Explain to the tens of thousands of Virginians who suffer from pain and premature death from a wide range of diseases how they are helped by your vote against stem-cell research. Don’t forget to talk about your drugs for seniors program, which has increased profits for pharmaceutical and insurance companies but has left elders with huge donut holes in their coverage. You might also want to talk about why both North Korea and Iran have significantly increased their nuclear weapons programs since you have been in office. Finally, you can tell us why you have no solution to the immigrant problem other that branding millions of people as criminals and building a “Berlin Wall” on our southern border.

Hello and Goodbye to George and George

My favorite incumbent U.S. president was in Richmond yesterday, tying up traffic, adding a pumpkin-worth of currency to the local economy, and raising many dollars more for the campaign war chest of my favorite junior senator. Not that Senator George really needs the money. He already has millions that he will bestow on our local media in exchange for the privilege of polluting our televisions with his ads. Senator George could do a lot more for the Virginia citizens he says he loves by just walking around the neighborhoods of Richmond and distributing money to everybody he sees.

In his speech, President George made it clear that, despite what everybody in the country seems to think, this election is not about him. That should be music to the ears of many Republican candidates around the country. Unfortunately, it won’t help Senator George very much.

Although George and George have made it clear that they are opposed to human cloning, their record during the nearly six years they have been in Washington makes me wonder. On almost every issue these two guys are as alike as any two of the thousands of acorns piling up in my backyard. Even their smirks are indistinguishable. And they are such rascally critters that I’m sure Dr. Seuss would refer to them as Thing One and Thing Two.

Thankfully, George and George have left Richmond. And, if my fellow Virginians do the right thing on Election Day, we will send Senator George back to California where he can find a less boring career. As for President George, at noon on January 20, 2009, we can be rid of him too.

Adieu sweet clones!