Get Rid of Doug, Donald Urges

My old friend Donald called me this morning wanting to know why we don’t just get rid of Mayor Doug, instead of always complaining. You have to understand that Donald is a bit of a radical; in his day, he marched against the Grenada War and held up a sign in Lafayette Park denouncing the marriage of David Eisenhower and Julie Nixon. So I was not particularly surprised by his attitude.

“We will get rid of him,” I told him, “in November 2008.”

“No need to wait, you can get rid of him now!”

My first impulse was to hang up. I don’t think anybody would understand me discussing Doug’s assassination on the telephone. I mean the guy often drives me nuts, but killing him seems a bit extreme.

“I’m willing to wait for the election,” I replied. “Besides, he has this big security detail.”

Donald laughed for a good twenty seconds. “No, doofus brain, I’m not talking about killing the sucker. I’m talking about removing him from office.”

“Donald, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Donald then explained it to me. Apparently, under section 24.2-233 of the Virginia Code, pursuant to a petition, a circuit court can remove an official from office
“For neglect of duty, misuse of office, or incompetence in the performance of duties when that neglect of duty, misuse of office, or incompetence in the performance of duties has a material adverse effect upon the conduct of the office”
Further, with respect to the Mayor of Richmond, section 3.04.1 of the City Charter provides that the mayor can be removed under the procedures contained in the Code of Virginia, provided that a petition is
“signed by a number of registered voters in each council district equal to at least 10 percent of the total number of votes cast in the last general election for mayor in each respective council district.”

“So,” said Donald, “all you need is a petition signed by ten percent of the voters and you can get rid of old Doug.”

“How many signatures do we need?” I asked.

“It says you need, for each council district, ten percent of the total vote for mayor in the last election. Go look it up.”

So I did. This is what I found.

To petition for Mayor Doug’s removal we would need a petition with this many signatures per district:

District 1....... 936
District 2....... 754
District 3....... 675
District 4....... 762
District 5....... 672
District 6....... 354
District 7....... 407
District 8....... 581
District 9....... 461

(And we’d need to add another hundred or more per district because the Times-Dispatch article I looked at didn’t have complete election returns.)

“Donald, there is no way we can get that many signatures.”

“Of course you can. Just get some friends and start ringing doorbells.”