Saving Marriage?

They tell me that we need this amendment to save marriage. (I know I’m being a bit vague, but you know who “they” is). They say that if I vote against this amendment I must be opposed to marriage. They hint that if this amendment is defeated civilization as we know it is doomed.

What kind of crap is this?[*]

What I want to know is what are we saving marriage from? What exactly is it that is threatening marriage? What is so dire an emergency that we need to amend the Commonwealth’s constitution to save us?

Although Virginia law already prohibits same gender marriages, they tell us that we need this amendment to make really sure that two men or two women, who love each other, can never claim they are married. Because if they do . . .

Is there something I’m missing? Is my marriage suddenly and severely threatened if a homosexual couple moves in next door? Will my wife suddenly demand that I move out because the two men or two woman living next door claim they are married? How many healthy marriages in the Commonwealth do they think will suddenly end if homosexual couples are permitted a relationship that resembles marriage?

But wait, maybe they are right. I can see it happening. A young innocent, defenseless married couple is sitting at their kitchen table eating dinner. Outside, two roaming homosexuals who claim to be married peek in the window. They sneak around to the back of the house. They silently open an unlocked window and creep into the house. They tiptoe toward the kitchen. Suddenly, they LEAP out and SIEZE the poor unknowing couple and shout out, “YOUR MARRIAGE IS OVER!” And another Virginia marriage bites the dust![†]

Nearly half of the marriages in this country already end in divorce or with two people coexisting although they can’t stand each other. Will the “marriage amendment” save those marriages?

We allow wife-beaters to marry. We allow child sexual-abusers to marry. For some reason, it’s only gays and lesbians that threaten the institution of marriage. Clearly we need to amend our Bill of Rights to stop the menace.

Look, I am pro-marriage. I am pro-people. I am pro-love. I will vote no on that inane amendment.

[*] Not that it is any of their business but I have been married, to the same woman, for nearly 40 years. Clearly I am not opposed to marriage.

[†] This is a cleaned-up version of a shtick by comedian Lewis Black.